How couples split pet care tasks when one person wanted dogs more

If you’re reading this, you already know: Caring for pets can be a lot of work. (Rewarding, worthwhile work! But still: Responsibility for another living creature takes effort.) Navigating the experience with support from a partner can make everything more manageable. But splitting up responsibilities in a way that feels fair—if not always directly equal—can sometimes cause conflict, too.

We asked nine pet parents how they divide and conquer pet-care responsibilities in their own households. Although everyone’s situation is different, we found a few patterns about what works and what doesn’t.

Here’s the final post in our three-part series: How Laura and John, Jen and Nate, and Libby and Tom navigate caring for pets who one partner wanted more than the other.

Laura and John: Intentional but not rigid

TL;DR: Laura and John try to split the time they spend taking care of their pets to focus on everyone’s fulfillment—humans included. They live with three dogs right now: Dany, an epileptic husky/border collie mix; Nelson, an Australian shepherd, and Tempest, a border collie who struggles with some dog reactivity.

“We have had to really figure out how to make this work with how busy we are, and it has evolved and shifted as our pack has evolved and shifted,” Laura says. “Having space to explore and have open communication is what got us to where we are now. Despite having more structure than we would prefer, we both can appreciate the payoff of that structure now.”

• Did you get your pets together?
  
  • I had Roxy from college. When we started dating, Winnie kind of fell into our laps and it was a joint decision to adopt her. We searched for and adopted Dany together. She is both of our first dog, as we didn’t grow up with dogs. We wanted a hiking companion/adventure buddy/general family pet. Since she is quite hard to fulfil, I dabbled in dog sports with her.
• Did one of you want pets more than the other?
  
  • Once I learned what it took to have a sport dog and where her shortcomings were, I pushed for the second dog to be my first real sport dog. John wanted a second dog, but only wanted to partake in pet training, not sports. Once I got the sport bug, I wanted a second sport dog with more drive. John did not want a third dog in the least, but was open to a third dog if I picked up all the slack that came along with a third dog (training, exercising, etc).
• How do you divide up pet care tasks?
  
  • We have worked over the years to find a good balance for our household, and it can change week to week. Both of our schedules can change as quickly as the night before, so we are always in communication and on our toes since all of our dogs all have high exercise needs, classes to attend, grooming and vet appointments, and medication every eight hours for Dany. To complicate matters, beyond our full time corporate jobs I also own a small (dog related!) business.
  • The best way to describe how we originally attempted to balance the load considering the time commitment needed, is the understanding and agreement that one of us wanted a lot more commitment to pets than the other. Since I wanted two additional sport dogs, we have both expected and attempted to split the responsibility 1/3 (John) and 2/3 (myself), time wise, as best we can, rather than specific tasks.
  • For example, our ”baseline” agreement is that John would commit to an hour walk with the dogs  five days per week, which aligns with Dany’s core exercise needs (with or without me, and any number of dogs that are available). I would take on the sports (agility for two dogs two times per week, dock diving, scentwork, and any walks I can fit in). I also manage their diets, supplements, and enrichment planning, since I have more specific standards and enjoy handling that side of things. He handles most day to day feeding and always steps up to ensure consistency and following instructions I create.
• Has that division changed over time?
  
  • In the beginning, we approached pet care with structure and fairness in mind, dividing responsibilities by time commitment and setting clear expectations. I wanted additional sport dogs, so it was fair that I took on the extra that was required and reflected by the two additional beings. It helped us navigate those routines early.
  • Our reality these days looks a little different. When we brought Tempest home, we didn’t anticipate the behavioral challenges she’d bring. For the first few years, we were constantly rotating crates, sacrificing free time, and barely keeping our heads above water. We both did what was needed, and that was mostly surviving for a while.
  • We now have more of a fulfillment-based  approach, versus a time approach. We kind of moved from asking “did the dogs get three miles today?” to a more individual approach of whether each dog  and human is fulfilled and happy that day. We are able to much more intuitively operate (which I’m sure has stemmed more seamlessly from our prior routines).
  • Ultimately, we’ve committed not just to the dogs, but to a shared understanding of what “fair” looks like for us, which evolves regularly. We are intentional, but not rigid, and that’s what keeps things working.
• How do you talk about division of pet care labor?
  
  • In our house, conversations about division of labor around the dogs have become second nature. What makes those conversations easier now is that we are aligned on why the dogs are in our lives, what we want out of these relationships, and what is realistic for both of us long term.
  • The conversations have not always been so easy. When Tempest was added and we realized how much behavioral work was needed, I had to put in a bulk of that work. At the time, John didn’t have the capacity or desire to be thrown deep into training the way she needed, which did create a strain. I was exhausted, he saw me less, and we both had to confront how our shared time was shifting. I was very hopeful and confident in the long game, however, even though I questioned how I was doing every single day. Looking back, he often reflects on how worth it that path was, even if he wouldn’t have chosen it for himself.
  • What helped us move through that period, and what still helps, is having honest check-ins and asking the right questions. We were often both stretched thin, so it was almost impossible to pick up slack where the other fell short. The best we had was the trust in each other and the fact that we hoped it was temporary and that we would come out on top. Thankfully, it worked out.
• Any tips for someone having these conversations in their own family?
  
  • My advice would be to start by identifying the “why” behind the responsibilities, both shared and individual. Is someone doing more because they want more from the experience? Are there short-term sacrifices being made for long-term goals? Clarity on those questions creates a shared framework that allows for grace and flexibility without resentment.  Revisiting agreements often and realizing that Plan A isn’t set in stone also helps immensely. The goal is adaptability and alignment.
• What’s your favorite thing about your dogs?
  
  • Dany is the absolute queen of adventure. A really hard first dog, but a very cool dog. Our favorite activity is hiking!
  • Nelson is the easiest dog to train, as he just wants to be with us and do what we ask. Our favorite activities are frisbee and dock diving!
  • Tempest is the hardest dog I will likely ever own, putting me through the School of Rock to some degree. She is very fun and loves to work, and is the most loyal. Our favorite activity is agility!

Jen and Nate: Reactive dogs need extra support

TL;DR: Jen and Nate are still refining how to divide up pet care tasks, but they’re happy with the way they’ve learned to handle caring for a more challenging dog together. Their rescue pup, Brody, is making great progress with some behavioral issues. They also have two cats named Jack and Jubilee.

“I mentioned that I'm not sure if I would still have Brody if it wasn't for Nate,” says Jen, “and I think a big thing about trying to help a reactive dog is having your own support system! Oftentimes, we can feel like it's a moral failure to have a reactive dog. People who have never dealt with a reactive dog can be so judgemental, and social media is particularly bad. But having someone, whether it be a partner, parent, sibling, friend, coworker, trainer, etc, be there to remind you that you're doing a good job, you're not failing your dog, reactivity takes time to train, and just general words of encouragement is invaluable!”

• Did you get your pets together?
  
  • I got Brody while Nate and I were dating, just a couple of months before we got engaged and married. It was not really a joint decision though.
• Did one of you want pets more than the other?
  
  • Nate grew up with multiple cats and a dog, and I think he likes having a pet around. However, he was pretty against getting a dog at the time because he thought it would drastically change our lives. He wanted to travel (his dream is to live in Europe for a year), go on backcountry adventures, go to concerts down in Denver, and so on.
  • I wanted a dog so badly because I thought it would fill a hole in my heart that I argued that that wouldn't happen. When I went back to meet him with Nate, I specifically asked Nate if he was okay if I adopted Brody. He said yes, but he later admitted he didn't quite feel like he could have said no. And honestly, I'm not sure I would have listened if he had told me no anyway.
  • It was a rough start, but he is very glad we have Brody. There have been several times where I've brought up rehoming Brody to someone more equipped to handle his reactivity, and each time, Nate has taken the stance that we are enough for him.
• How do you divide up pet care tasks?
  
  • I think we're still refining how to divide pet related care well. Because I really wanted a dog and Nate didn't at first, I took on all dog related tasks from the get-go. I was also in charge of all cat related tasks not because I had to but because I was used to it (I had adopted my cats before I started dating Nate). I had the time, and I was happy to do so.
  • I'm definitely on the hyper independent side, so I don't like asking for help. And because I went to private training lessons with Brody more (Nate's schedule was less flexible than mine, so he couldn't go with me as often as he wanted to), I know how to handle certain situations better than Nate.
• Has that division changed over time?
  
  • Flash forward to today: I think the care is a little more even, but I do find myself doing more than Nate. Nate's task with the cats is to always scoop their litter and clean up vomit because I have a hard time with the smell. I still do most things for Brody, but because I've picked up running, Nate has taken up walking Brody one or two mornings during the week so I can sleep in a little (honestly, this is a big ask because Nate isn't a morning person).
  • It might seem uneven, but I'll be honest: I don't mind, and I don't feel like change is necessary! Nate is making sacrifices simply because we can't go on vacations as long as he'd like, we can't stay out super long because we can't leave Brody by himself for more than five or six hours, and so on. He doesn't complain about it, but I know this is exactly what he was talking about when made his case for not getting a dog.
• How do you talk about division of pet care labor?
  
  • It usually comes from conversations about how we feel overwhelmed by our current schedules.
  • We usually break it down into two categories: Temporary overwhelm (friends/family are in town, work is hectic because a release is about to go out, etc) or long-term overwhelm (I'm gearing up for a race in the next couple of months, and the increase in my running schedule is requiring me to sleep more). We always talk in terms of compromise. We recognize that the other one is making a change to their schedule, and we make it clear that if the person taking on more starts feeling like it's too much, they need to communicate their feelings.
• What’s your favorite thing about your pets?
  
  • One of things I was looking forward to the most in dog ownership was having a hiking buddy, and I definitely got that with Brody. His favorite thing in the world is a good old hike.

Libby and Tom: Fair doesn’t have to be even

TL;DR: Libby wanted a dog more than her partner, Tom. Despite some training difficulties with their rescue girl, Buffy, they’re making things work—together—by remembering that what’s fair isn’t always what’s exactly equal.

“I would never advise anyone else to get a dog unless their partner is fully on board,” Libby says. “And I definitely think that people should have a full discussion of what pet care tasks actually look like in reality and who will do what before getting a dog. Because none of it is a small commitment!”

• Did you get your pets together?
  
  • We have been together for 16 years, and I got Buffy four years ago.
• Did one of you want pets more than the other?
  
  • We both grew up with dogs, and early in our relationship we always talked about and assumed we would have a dog in our lives at some point. During the pandemic we bought a house, and I was working from home, and for me it seemed like we had finally reached a point in our lives where we would have the time and space for a dog. Tom maybe had a more realistic idea of the commitment and life change getting a dog would entail and he wasn’t that keen anymore. I was adamant that I still wanted one.
• How do you divide up pet care tasks?
  
  • Buffy is a complex dog. Due to her mental and physical health, she lives a well-managed life. When I first got her it was seriously hard work and she still isn’t an ‘easy’ dog. We have both changed our lives to accommodate her.
  • I do a lot more pet care tasks. I walk Buffy, feed her, give her daily meds, and spend more time with her. I sort all the admin like taking her to the vet. We occasionally do walks together.
  • We both work a short cycle ride from our house, and to save us money on pet care during the day, one or both of us will cycle back on a lunch break to let Buffy out and spend time with her.
  • If I am away and not bringing Buffy, or out in the evening, or sick or for whatever other reason can’t sort things, Tom will without question take over all pet care.
  • I paid for Buffy and I pay for all associated costs, (vet, food, insurance, training), but Tom pays half of any costs associated with joint holidays (so pet sitters and such). He also will occasionally buy her treats and toys and isn’t bothered if I put something in as part of a larger shop on the joint account.
  • So the divide is not even, but we consider it fair given everything.
• What’s your favorite thing about your dog(s)? Or your favorite activity to do together?
  
  • My favourite thing about Buffy is how much she has taught me. About sensitive dogs, body language, enrichment, dogs in general. How a small life for her can be fulfilling. We regularly join group canicross sessions and mantrailing which she loves. Through our amazing dog trainer I also joined a community of women who do all sorts of things without our dogs like camping, swimming, and paddleboarding.

It’s about communication and compromise

Don’t miss the first posts in our couples interview series:

• One: How couples who got their dogs together divide pet care tasks
• Two: How partners who have their own dogs divide pet care tasks

No one we interviewed—and no one I’ve ever met in real life—treats pet parenthood in exactly the same way. That’s okay! There’s no single “right” answer when it comes to dividing up pet care tasks. What matters most is communication, mutual support, and figuring out what keeps things running smoothly in your own household.

If you’re looking for inspiration? Pull ideas from how fellow couples structure their responsibilities. But don’t treat anyone else’s approach as your own blueprint. You know your own pets, partner, and preferences best.